sms itu..apekah mknenye??

st hari sedang aku menikmati keindahan alam..ttbe aku menerima st sms..
sms tu bertulis mcm nie..

"atas sbb ibu sy..kiter xleh kapel..if ader jodoh adela..sy minta maaf"..

aku cam..apekah..xde angin..xde ribut..ttbe dpt sms mcm tu..wel aku xtau nk rs pe..
xtau nk react pe..xtau nk ckp pe..

stau aku la..adik bradik die ader je yg kapel..ok je..keep it low suda..xyah la nk hlight sgt..yg wat aku angin tu..ayat die..kl ader jodoh ader la..wth..nmpk sgt die xnk usehe..jus nk pasrah mcm tu..tah la..aku xtau nk ckp mcm ne kt die kasi die fhm..

sume org xsempurna..sume org pernah wat silap..mayb setgh org sukar tuk maafkan kesilapan org lain..n mayb org tu die..cume aku xphm kenape die nk anta sms mcm tu..kl rs xsuke ckp trus trang la xsuke..xyah la nk wat ayat kl ader jodoh ader la..
honestly..aku benci ayat tu..aku benci ayat..buke buku baru tutup buku lame..tp aku sll kan dpt ayat2 mcm tu..wth..

donno wat to say

xtau mcm ne nk ckp..nk tulis..
bt im feeling so bad..
n its hurting me from inside..
why its so hard to get it..
why its so hard to find it..
donno wat to say..wat to do..wat to think..
little thing dat make me crazy..
its jus everything in vein..
so mess up..
all i want it jus some love n appriciation..
bt i guess its hard for me to get it..especially from u..
why life so cruel to me..

im not blind yet..
still could see n feel ur reaction doesnt shows any love at all..
not jus selfish..
bt annoying..
u push me awy until a place that i could not reach..
u ignore me like im not exist in ur life..
u let others noe about except me..
u hurt me as much as u can..
u shut up when i start to talk to u..

u say u love me..
u say u miz me..
bt u reaction doesnt shows any love at all..
at all..
dats the hardest thing i need to face it..

i wish i could throw it away..
far far awy from me..
i wish i didnt love u at all..
i wish i could life without u..
i wish i could survive having life alone..
i wish i had it at all..

wat should i ....

there was a day that we decided to hang out together as we want to spend whole day together..i was thinking it would be the best day ever since we didnt spent much time together..but..God knows better than me..anything could happen..its turn up to be the worst day ever..i have to drive back alone plus i didnt realise im lacking of petrol.where there is no petrol station along the road..luckily i managed to reach my home safely..

not everything is worst btw..he gave me flowers..the red one..i was like..happy when he gave it to me..(berbunge2 tgk bunge tu)..then we watch a movie which i already watch..but it's worth it to watch this movie twice..we ate together..(i ate happy meal..he bought for me)..

when i reach my home..i start thinking..wat should i..
do?
think?
feel?
if this happenned again..again..and again??
who am i to him?
wat i supposed to react if this situation happen again?
it is a love?
or wat??

i guess im stuck here with myself..my own feeling..